My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
