I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
