You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
