I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
