how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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