I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The struggles of a small town man whore
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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