she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
