she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
