hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
