drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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