dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
