Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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