If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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