Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
