My nipple is on Facebook.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
