And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
