I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
