We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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