Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
