WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
