do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
