he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
