Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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