maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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