dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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