His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
