he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
