this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
