my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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