He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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