It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
