Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize