How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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