There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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