And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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