She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
