R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
