she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
