Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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