I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
