she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
