I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
