my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
