I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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