"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
