im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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