3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I forget how to act sober
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