i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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