get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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