Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
