Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
