Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
