i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize