somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.