Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3