i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.