dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
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Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him