I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think your dad took our porno
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
