i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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