You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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