I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
