"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
