i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
