So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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