The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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