Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
