He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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