Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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