so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You can't special order awesome
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize