Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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